Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Breakfast Of Champions

My wife and I went late night to one of those 24 hour restaurants that you find off the strip. The kind that's always serving breakfast. With video poker machines by the entrance.

Hey you know what disappoints me about this blog?

Not nearly enough video poker machine stories!

I want to read about the Vegas guy who takes out a 20 bill to play some video poker while he and his wife wait to be seated at the diner.

Tell me that he hits quads to go up 3 bills right as the hostess seats his wife.

Even if it's a lie. Tell me anyway. Tell me how he loses it back and has to sneak in another 20 while his wife orders the meal without him.

Heck it might even be the third or fourth 20 by the time the food comes out but he can't leave the machine now! Not now! Now he's on fire! Just hit a straight flush to go up 600!

Tell me how he misses the entire meal, but still sits up 400 bucks while his wife waits in the car in the parking lot.

Tell me how he takes her home immediately after losing the rest of the money back.

And then after he drops her off he goes back to the restaurant with a fresh 20.

Where's this guy's blog?

Shouldn't this be the kind of story you find in The Vegas Year?

Who the hell wants to read about me folding?

My whole video poker machine fantasy from above was rudely interrupted by my having to make a decision between Mexican and Gambling themed breakfast options that existed on the menu.

At least that's what the woman standing in front of me with a pad wanted to know.

Hmmm. What am I in the mood for?

Can you recommend the "Montezuma's Revenge?"

What's exactly in your "Eggs on Tilt?"

You don't know for sure?

Hmmm. Will you show me if I fold?

They had something called the "Slot Machine." One of the safer items appeared to be the "Dealers Choice."

There are definitely fewer decisions to make preflop at video poker than eating at this restaurant.

After she took our order the waitress complained to us about the chef yelling in the kitchen. Chef may be a little too kind. Cook might be a slightly more appropriate word to describe the man.

She walked away. Then 30 minutes passed. If we were at a poker table a new dealer would have sat down.

The restaurant was mostly empty but in these establishments it always takes longer to get food when they're slow. Like everyone stops working and it's impossible to get any order out of the kitchen.

My wife and I were fine with the wait. We were deep in conversation.

But our waitress was not okay.

She comes over to the table and asks us if it seems like it's taking a long time.

I shrug my shoulders. I'm hungry but I'm not going to stress out about it.

We sit there in silence. She tries again.

"Don't you think it's taking a long time for your food to come out?"

I'm tempted to ask to speak to the manager, just so he can come over and I can tell him how dissatisfied our waitress is with the meal thus far. "She thinks it's taking too long."

When our food finally came out our waitress said it looked pretty good. She said it was much better than expected. I was relieved to hear she liked it. I was scared she might complain and ask to send it back to the kitchen.

We finished the meal and she brought the check. When I turned it over to see the damage, she looked at it along with me from over my shoulder.

I could feel her presence behind me. So I turned and slowly looked up at her.

She looks me right in the eye. She points towards the check and says "It seems like alot."

My bill. From her restaurant. And she's telling me it seems expensive.

Then I remembered how long the food took to come and thought maybe I should apologize to her for having made such a poor choice in deciding where to eat this evening.

I don't think our waitress liked this restaurant at all!

I don't think she'd ever want to go there to eat.

Unless it turns out that she's into video poker.

Then it might work out perfectly.


kurokitty said...

This is a really nicely written post.

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jusdealem said...

Haha..loved this. :)

Darren Aronofsky said...

this is really what your blog should all be about.
some nice selby inspired addict shit.