One Step Closer

I made it down to the Rio last night around 8:30 PM.

My goal was simple. Win a seat into the Main Event by playing the 9:00 PM Mega Satellite.

It's $550 to enter and they give away 1 seat for every 20 players.

There was a pretty long line extending down the main hallway leading to the poker cages.

From the back of the line it was difficult to even tell what we were in line for. Mega satellites made sense. Since they were going on all day. But there were also plenty of guys with 10k in either cash or chips wanting to sign up for the Main Event.

The real humor here was how entitled the 10k dudes were. And can you blame them? They're dumping down 10k and have to stand in a line for over an hour to do it? What kind of service is that? For the most part the mega satellite guys were way more polite. Most even showed patience. Except for me.

Just like opening night I decided to slip around to the side of the main room where 4 cashier tellers are sort of hidden to the side of the main cage. When the room gets crowded this area becomes reserved for Rio/Harrah's highest money level players, the "Diamond and Seven Star" card members.

I got to the side of the cage and saw 4 lines, each with only like 3 people in them. There was also a security guard. I walk past him and get into one of the lines.

15 minutes goes by and the line hasn't moved. The guy in front is apparently doing some wire transfer to get his 10k in the room. It finally works and I move closer.

At this point the woman I'm waiting to give my money to looks directly at me and says "Tell anyone who gets in line behind you that you're the last one and then I'm closing my window."

"Okay" I say. "And thank you."

This is great. I'm going to get in to the tourney.

A guy soon comes up behind me in line and I tell him that she's closed after me.

And then just when everything seems perfect, I get a little taste of Midnight Express.

I hear the woman in the cage, the teller next to mine say to a guy "You can't buy in here. You are not a Diamond Seven Star member."

Gulp. I hope my teller doesn't say the same thing to me.

But then it gets worse.

Suddenly Ray Romano appears in line behind me.

He's with Cheryl Hines (Larry David's wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm.)

And they're both with a casino host who wants to get Ray bought in as quickly as possible.

I'm caught in a double whammy.

There's no way I'm about to turn around and tell Ray Romano that the line ends after me.

The other pressing issue here is that the window to my right has just opened up. The same window where the woman has made it clear she WON'T take non Diamond card members. I have this fear that the casino host is going to tell me to move to that window. But obviously I can't move over there. So I decide I'm going to offer the window to my right to Ray, if it gets offered to me.

Meanwhile there's only one guy now in front of me in my line finishing up his business.

I am about to be next.

Just a few more seconds.

So I stand as close as I can to the guy in front of me. (As not to let the casino host cut my place with Ray). And I make eye contact with no one. I stare ahead.

The woman teller hands the guy in front of me his tourney entry papers.

At this very moment the casino host asks the security guard if he has checked everyone's ID.

Security guard says "Yes they need to be Diamond Seven Star."

The casino host then puts his hand on my shoulder and asks the security guard "Is he a Diamond Seven Star member?"

I hand my card to the security guard. And then this turns into poker. Because the security guard is staring at my non-diamond and seven star card. And he's looking real hard. But he obviously can't see any diamonds or sevens.

He asks me if I'm Diamond Seven Star. And I say "Yes."

At this point the guy in front of me has moved away. So I jump at the opportunity. I take back my card from the security guard and hand it to the teller along with my cash.

And she gives me the saddest look.

"I'm sorry. I can't take that here."

"What? I've been waiting on line for 45 minutes. "

I go into my blah blah blah when suddenly out of my mouth comes the real genius.

I flip it on them.

I turn to the casino host and say "I've bought in here before at these exact same windows. If I'm not allowed to buy in at them then the security guard shouldn't have let me stand here!"

It's the old "You should have policed me better" defense.

You know.

"If you had enforced your rules than I wouldn't have wasted my time in this line."

As if it was Harrah's fault that I got caught trying to cut the longer line.

Meanwhile I want to give credit for my stance in this argument to the philosopher Chas.

Chas created the timeless "You shouldn't have left it here" defense.

"You shouldn't have left it here" removes all personal responsibility for a person's actions. It can be used in any situation where one person (usually a roommate or friend) breaks, eats, destroys or otherwise eliminates another person's property."

It's not your fault. That other person "shouldn't have left it here."

So the security guard tells me that the solution here is that I need to be in one of the two lines to my left. This is actually great news for me. There's only 2 people in them. So I immediately drop my solid argument and move over. It's way better than getting in the main line.

At this point they shuffle Ray in to my former window to buy in with his 10k. And as if Ray Romano isn't already one of the more likeable people out there, he actually turns to me and says "They didn't just kick you out of this line so that I could buy in did they?"

And just like we're on his sitcom I sigh and say "No Ray. It's Harrahs...."

It only occurred to me later how funny my argument was. Harrahs has done plenty this year for poker players to complain about. However in this moment it really wasn't their fault. This was completely my bad. But I felt justified saying it because the customer is always right. Even when he's wrong.

"No Ray. It's Harrahs...."

As if Ray Romano has any idea what I'm talking about.

Now I'm in line behind one of Tobey Maguire's "people" who is trying to buy him. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure I saw Billy Bob Thornton actually waiting in the long main line. But not me and Tobey's assistant. We got places to be.

After maybe 5 minutes of Tobey paperwork I finally get up to the window.

I put down my $550. And the teller guy looks at me and asks what I want to buy in for.

"Uh....the $550 satellite that's starting right now."

"No that's for $1060" he says.

Even though the Worldseriesofpoker website says $550.

Thu, Jul 5th 9:00:00 PM 1-Day Event

2007 WSOP ME Mega Satellite No Rebuy/Add-ons Structure Sheet

$550

Damn you Harrahs!

I would have just bought into the $1060 but I didn't have enough cash on me.

But I was going to walk away with something. So I bought in for Friday's 4pm $550 instead.

The good news is at least with this mistake on their WSOP website I can get back to doing what I do best.

Complaining about Harrahs.

Also I'm sure Ray would have taken a photo for you guys. But I don't like to ask celebrities to do that sort of thing. Because I'm classy.

And so this was the best I could do shooting from my hip.

That's Ray and his left arm in the middle. And Cheryl to the right in the white shirt and jeans.

Did I already mention that I'm classy?