One Lottery Ticket Please

By now I'm sure you're all tired of hearing my publicist explain how I'm waiting till 2011 to get back into the poker scene.

It went a little too far this week when In Touch magazine included me in their "Celebrities Are Just Like Us" segment. These are a few pages in their rag where they give patronizing examples of celebrities doing things that non-celebrities too might find themselves doing.

Usually it's stuff like: "They pick up their kids from school" (Just like us.) And we get to see a movie star parked in front of a school.

Or: "They go shopping for anniversary gifts." (Just like us.) And we see someone who had their TV show canceled in 1997 shopping at the mall.

Obviously you can see why this magazine is so popular.

This particular one said: "They wait until 2011 to play in the World Series of Poker" and there was photo of me wearing sweatpants while getting some coffee in Beverly Hills.

You just can't buy that sort of press.

Well actually you can, if you have a publicist.

Why am I taking the time off from poker? Why wait till 2011 to return?

It's always been a dream of mine to play professional baseball. I'm planning to report to the Chicago White Sox Spring training camp come February. I'm prepared to spend the year riding a bus around the minor leagues.

I'm waiting till 2011 so that I can spend more time with my family in 2009 and 2010.

I want to work on all the projects I've been putting off all these years while I've been working on all the projects.

I've also always wanted to start a boy band. If not now, when? We all know I'm not going to look this young forever.

Although I will admit that as much as I want to learn to hit a curve ball and dance in unison in front of prepubescent kids, I have noticed the World Series of Poker is going on. Right now. As I type these words. These words too.

Damn I'd love to go and play an event. Buy me a lottery ticket. Be a tourist with a mission. Oh sure I might have to sit through hours of traffic to get there on a Friday night. But that part seems like really good practice for folding.