Michael Vick & My Red Meat

I can't help but think that if Michael Vick was financing a cow killing operation there'd be absolutely no problems for him.

In fact Michael Vick Burgers on a George Foreman Grill might be what's for dinner.

But since Vick was involved in killing dogs and dog is man's best friend, our acquaintance Michael Vick is in some big trouble.

The worst part is I don't think the debate here really has anything to do with Vick.

No. The real debate is whether a dog's life is worth more than a cow's life.

And for most Americans that answer seems to be a resounding Yes.

I'm too lazy to search anything on the internet but what would happen if I googled China? Do they eat dog there? I feel like I've been told that at some point.

If canine eating exists then perhaps the reaction in those places to Vick's killing some dogs would have made him even more popular. Maybe his jersey sales would double and someday he'd own a chain of steakhouses like Don Shula. Except of course they'd serve dog.

There is something overly didactic about a country of meat eaters going after Vick on the animal rights stuff. Have you seen what we do to chickens? Have you seen how they make your veal?

It takes a damn strong dose of self righteousness to say that it's okay to kill a cow but that you are a bad person to kill a dog.

I don't dare cast a stone at Vick on this matter.

That's cause I like my steak medium rare.

I'm a red meat eater who says he loves animals and clearly lives in denial.

That's because when I eat red meat I'm eating a steak. Or a hamburger.

I'm not eating flesh. I'm not eating some animals leg, side or ass.

I think most people agree that it's wrong to kill dogs. I just wish most people wouldn't sit around and bash Vick between bites of their burger.

Ou est le plumber?

From the film Hustle & Flow:

It's hard out here for a pimp.
When he tryin to get this money for the rent.
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent.
Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit.

One could apply the above song lyrics to my life.

Well except for the fact that I drive a Toyota.

So yesterday I mentioned the Feng Shui stuff regarding leaky pipes and losing money.

Part of me hates bringing it up because I really dislike the idea of believing in any kind of superstition. It just seems like too much work.

And even Stevie Wonder has tried to warn me that when you believe in things that you don't understand then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way.

But this leak in my house is getting ridiculous.

I played live for less than 3 hours last night but still managed to play plenty of memorable hands. Not so much in terms of poker strategy, More in terms of randomness.

Among the highlights:

My very first hand from the blinds I held king 7 and hit trips on an ace,7,7 flop. I bet the turn and got reraised by what I was hoping was a big ace. At least that's what I thought I was hoping until a second ace appeared on the river. It happens.

The very next hand I picked up ace 4 in small blind. The board came out ace,2,4,6,10. Me and my two pair got check raised on the river by a dude in early position who also hit two pair with his ace 6 off.

Again, it happens. As the dealer pushed him the pot I felt encouraged by the fact that at least I wasn't going down with top pair top kicker here. If I'm going to lose let it at least be respectable with trips or two pair.

Then things got really weird.

The 5 times I held pocket pairs last night, all 5 times I flopped sets. It was shocking.

Each set should happen 1 in 9 times.

What are the odds of something 8 to 1 happening 5 times in a row?

I'm not even sure my calculator can handle that one.

But what was even stranger was that 4 of the 5 times my sets didn't hold up.

We're not talking top pair top kicker getting outdrawn here. We're talking sets.

Like even if I'm up against a straight or flush draw and even if they hit, I should still occasionally win if or when the board pairs.

The first hand I held pocket 6's on a 5,6,7 flop. I gave up and lost the least money possible to my opponents 8,10 once the 9 came on the turn. (He only bet 10 dollars on the turn!!!!! He was trying to milk money out of me but instead gave me such a cheap shot at the board pairing or me hitting quads with my 10 outs.)

The other 3 times my sets lost to flushes. Each time it was the humiliating 4 card flush where the board goes runner runner on the turn and river and my opponent turns over 1 card of that suit.

Not that it should matter but it would somehow feel more respectable if my opponent turns over 2 suited cards.

Yet despite all this madness I was ahead on the night by picking spots to take down pots without having to show cards.

And even with the hands I was losing at least they were strong holdings rather than the previously mentioned typical top pair top kicker kind of stuff that I watch people lose their stacks with everyday.

The only time I wasn't ahead on the flop came near the end of my session.

I held the ace of hearts in the small blind in an unraised multiplayer pot.

Flop came jack, queen, king of hearts. And two players were actually willing to go all in on that board.

Sitting in front of your computer reading this you might figure they held a small flush. Or a set they were trying to protect. But they weren't even that strong.

One guy held king, queen of diamonds for two pair. The other held 9,10 of diamonds for the bottom end of the straight.

If one of them goes all in and the other folds then I probably fold too. I don't necessarily need to gamble on this draw.

But against two opponents getting 2 to 1 on money was just too good.

Even if you don't have much gamble in you, folding is incorrect here when your holdings are 40% to win the hand. (9,10 guy was slightly above 40%. Two pair dude was slightly less than 20%)

Not to mention the poetic justice. I had just had 3 sets cracked by 4 card flushes. Wouldn't it be fitting if I were to win a huge pot the same way?

Apparently not. No heart or 10 came and pot went to the 9,10 straight guy.

And as happens so often, the very next hand I picked up pocket jacks on the button. There was a guy sitting across the table from me who had been bullying everyone all night. He was fearless when it came to firing 3 bullets into pots. I'd watched him do it a few times. Anytime he raised preflop he would just keep betting every street until he faced resistance. So even though I hadn't played a pot with him, I felt like my observation was setting him up for his maneuver whenever I did.

On this hand he raised preflop to 20 and I called from the button.

Flop was 2,7,8. He bet 20 and again I called.

Turn was another 7. He bet 40. I called.

Why no raise?

I don't think he has a 7 and I don't want to scare him away. We know he's going to bet the river again out of position. And I'm likely to reraise him.

River is a harmless 3. No straights. No flushes.

He bets 75.

Something seemed different about this bet. The first two times he threw the chips out onto the felt in front of him. But this time he counted his chips carefully and placed them out softly.

This scared me. I decided not to raise. I just called.

He turned over pocket 3's. He passed me on the river.

Looking back now I don't regret not reraising him earlier in the hand to force him out. His actions were exactly what I wanted. In fact everything was perfect. Except for the 2 outer on the river.

That be poker.

Meanwhile I gotta get that leak fixed. ASAP.

Although I must say I'm tempted to play again before that happens just to keep sharing this madness with you folks.

Now It All Makes Sense

For the past 8 weeks I've witnessed a plethora of math defying moments go against me at the table. Over and over again.

Meanwhile, coincidentally my water bill has gone up tremendously the past two months.

So today we shut off all the water in the house and went outside to look at the water meter.

And guess what? It was still moving!

I have a leak. This explains everything.

Check this out:

Leaky faucets, shower heads, and pipes can waste more than water. When there is a waste like that occurring in your home, it represents a waste of money and can affect your emotional state. In addition to the water bills increasing, other unrelated unnecessary expenses will occur and you may begin to feel frazzled. Whenever you are wondering where all your money is going or your life suddenly becomes too much for you to handle, it is time to make sure you have no water leaks in or around your home. The only cure for this problem is to have your plumber fix your leaks.

- from Leslie Jacobson's article "Feng Shui and Your Health"

The Second City

When I graduated from college I gave some thought to moving to Chicago to take comedy classes at the Second City. Well it's only taken me 16 years to get to the school but I finally made it.

It was my wife's idea to sign up and I tagged along. It's been real interesting entering a beginner level class in something I spent 15+ years doing.

Whenever I tell people I'm taking an "intro to comedy" class they think I must be bored. But I'm not. In fact it's easily the best 3 hours of every week.



We're now up to level 3.

When we complete level 5 we get to meet Tom Cruise.

Most of all it's just nice to have friends again. A dearth of community made the first half of the Vegas Year a little rougher and tougher than expected. But finally knowing some people here makes the Fall seem a little more hopeful.

And our new friends are as diverse as ever. Despite growing up in the melting pot that is NYC, I can't say I've ever had a conversation before where the other two people were Lebanese and Mormon.

Now I do it once or twice a week.

And of course now that I'm friends with people of these backgrounds, I have the comedic license to make fun of them.

That's right.

It took me 16 years but I can finally make fun of Arabs and Mormons.

I Beg to Differ

We've been away for the past week. Just got home.

This is what the clock looked like this morning when the car service arrived to take us to the airport:


We were flying standby and had been unable to get on a flight the night before. So when we got on the plane, we were grateful to leave the airport.

Things then got even better. We had seats next to each other.

I sat in the aisle seat. My wife in the middle. In the window seat was a guy who midway through the flight got switched with a crazy hyper 25 year old woman who had spilled her drink, a white russian, on someone in another row on the plane.

This woman was amazing. She got up 10 to 15 times in the two hours she sat with us.

She was all over the place. Laughing with some people. Yelling at others.

And then as soon as we land she takes out her cell phone, calls up her boyfriend and has the nerve to say:

"Hey honey. I was thinking about you the entire time."

I beg to differ. She was not thinking about him the entire time.

And I have 150 witnesses.

Stupid. Stubborn. Full of heart. Determination.

When I was 14 years old I spent my Summer at a coed sleep away camp.

My fellow campers were all in high school but for some reason we weren't all grouped together by our age. The counselors were slightly older college kids so you saw all sorts of statutory stuff going on but at least you had to leave your bunk to participate in that.

In my own bunk, my own cell, I was trapped with 10 guys. And two empty beds where the counselors occasionally slept. 12 people living together with 1 toilet and 1 shower.

The camp was located in the Poconos (Pennsylvania). Most of the campers were from New Jersey. Towns likes Teaneck and West Orange. Westfield and Milburn.

I was the only guy from New York City. This would have worked in my favor had I been cooler in 8th grade. But when I was 14 I still took myself way too seriously. I hadn't found my sense of humor yet. I hadn't suffered enough.

Lack of humor aside, my main problem was having just turned 14 which made me the youngest age you could be and still attend this camp. The majority of the kids were 15, 16 and 17 which is a sort of difficult obstacle to overcome at 14.

Females are already more mature than males of equal age. Let alone 14 year old me hanging with 16 year olds. Actually the female part was great. At least they were kind.

It's the 16 year old guys that aren't too cool when you're 14.

There was one kid in my bunk who openly declared his status as bunk bully. He was a football player and wrestler. And of course he was older. As if his being an aggressive athlete wasn't enough of a physical advantage.

Whenever this kid wanted to punish his fellow camper his favorite move was to put you inside of a laundry bag. The type that tightens when you pull on the two strings of rope on the end. He would then hang said laundry bag from a hook on the wall. Gravity took over from there and whoever was inside the bag would remain stuck inside since their own weight would pull the bag down and keep the strings tight and locked.

Our bully was a hard worker- after a week or two everyone in the bunk had hung on the wall from inside that laundry bag.

Everyone except for me.

And the bully.

I stayed out of his way. I had dealt with way harsher meaner scarier kids in the school yards of Brooklyn than this suburban football tough guy.

He was scary. But he didn't scare me. I was already having a rough Summer without this kid. I didn't want to be at this camp. And not really caring if I got kicked out gave me a freeing nothing to lose attitude.

So when he announced one night that I was going in the laundry bag, I looked him right back in the eye and said "No I'm not."

"You're going in the bag" he repeated.

"I'm not going in the bag" I clarified.

By now the procedure for us campers was to simply climb into the bag by ourselves and thus avoid the whole physical encounter part. This way you only had to endure the humiliation of being hung. Not the actual pain associated with getting into the bag.

Still I refused.

"Get in the bag."

"No."

"Get in or else I'm going to make you get in."

"Then make me get in."

And so he tried. He came over and put me in a head lock. He began to squeeze.

"I'm going to keep squeezing harder until you get in the bag."

I shouted "You can squeeze as hard as you want. I'm not getting in that bag."

He squeezed harder.

"Get in the bag."

It was hard to breathe. It hurt.

Still I said "No."

Everyone was watching intently. He roared out loud and squeezed as hard as he could.

And I refused to acknowledge the pain.

I remember thinking to myself that I don't care if he kills me. I'm not getting in that bag.

And then I passed out.

I'm not sure if it was from the blood being cut off from my brain.

Or my body simply checking out from the sheer pain.

But I fainted.

I woke up a few minutes later.

No one was happier to see me awake and alive than the bully.

And of course the way life works the bully and I got along after this experience. Suddenly I was his friend. The only one stupid and stubborn enough to stand up to him.

I share this story because I'm noticing a common theme in my life. I get myself involved in difficult tasks. Quite often I'm in some sort of a hole. And I reach a point in the experience where I know most people would quit. Just get in the bag.

And yet it's in these times, these low points that something inside of me seems to get energized and only work harder. Chase whatever it is that I'm chasing even more. Even harder.

The Poker Gods can take pots away from me when I'm an 80 or 90% favorite.

They can do it over and over again.

They can test my resolve.

They can make it feel personal.

They can take away all of my money.

But they're not going to break me.

They have no idea who they are dealing with.

Philospher Joe Torre

“You just hang around, go through the streaks. That’s what the season is about, being able to fight through the dark times.”
--Joe Torre

Ali Needed Frazier

Wednesday night I played in a cash game at the Venetian.

I got myself into some good situations in the first hour and doubled my stack.

The key hand for me was hitting a set of jacks from the small blind on an ace high flop.

A guy on the button with an ace bet. I called. A 4 came on the turn. He bet and I called again. Another 4 came on the river. I decided to lead out with a pot sized bet. I thought it might confuse him and make him think I was attempting to steal the pot by representing I had a 4. I figured if he had an ace he'd call. And if he didn't have an ace he'd check it down anyway.

Much to my surprise he came over the top of my bet and went all in. I thought to myself damn if he has pocket aces I'm about to lose a big pot. But of course I still called.

He turned over ace 4 for a runner runner 4's full of aces house. But my boat was better with the jacks full of 4's.

I was lucky to hit a set of jacks on the flop. But the reality is I was even luckier that he made his hand with the runner runner so that I could get paid.

Ali needed Frazier.

The Yankees need the Red Sox.

Pocket aces need pocket kings.

And a set of jacks sometimes needs runner runner 4's.

After this hand the guy was clearly on tilt. He was raising with crap like 2,8 and stealing blinds.

I knew I was going to get even more chips from him. Since he was playing so super aggressive I sat back and waited for the right spot.

Little while later I picked up pocket aces under the gun and limped in. Some guy in middle position made it 20. There were 2 callers. And then this same ace 4 guy repops it $100 more from the big blind.

I go all in on him and the ace 4 guy calls. Just like we knew he would. He doesn't want to show his cards so I don't show my aces. Meanwhile I'm sure he doesn't show his cards because I'm sure they're not that strong. He was just making a move to steal the preflop money and got caught.

Flop is 2,4,7. Turn 3. River 10. Now he turns over pocket 7's for a set and the dealer shoves the pot to him.

I've been doing alot of work away from the table on my mental state at the table. And here was my first test. I laughed out loud and took a walk to the bathroom. Alot of my profit from the previous hour was gone. I recognized that the key for me at the moment was to not lose the rest of my chips trying to get back to where I was before this hand.

So I folded. And folded. For an hour.

I got no cards so I played no hands.

What was sort of amazing to me was how hot I had been before that hand. And how losing that hand basically took the wind out of my sails. From as many hours as I sit at the poker table I'm starting to feel how things happen in bunches. And so I was real focused on not losing my stack while in the midst of a bad run of cards.

I eventually played one hand. Had the nut flush draw on the flop but didn't get there. Which is sort of expected during a run like that.

And so I went back to folding.

Finally after more than an hour I started to get some cards again. I won a small pot with pocket kings. I won a larger pot with king jack suited. I could feel everything changing again.

I even limped in and played my button with jack 3 suited only to flop a jack jack 3 full house.

Unfortunately none of my opponents held a jack.

In other words- no Frazier for my Ali on this hand.

After 4 hours I'm ahead exactly 100 dollars. I laugh to myself at the math. I guess despite some crazy fluctuations that's $25 an hour.

I decide there's no need to stay. It's 320AM. I will call it a night. I'm about to be under the gun so I make the decision to leave after one more hand, before I have to pay my blinds again.

Under the gun I pick up pocket 8's and play them. Flop comes 8,8,9. It gets checked around. Turn is a jack. I check and call. River is a jack. I know I'm not getting paid off here unless my opponent has a jack. I check again and hope he bets. He does.

This was an interesting spot for me. I can push and hope he calls with a jack in an attempt to chop the pot. But if he doesn't have a jack he's not going to call an all in. So I choose to make a value raise and just triple his bet. He calls. Indeed he had the jack. I got paid off on my river raise because my Ali once again had a Frazier. It took runner runner to make it happen. But Frazier finally showed up.

Tonight I went to the MGM. I sat down at a passive table and decided to open it up. I'm usually lurking in the weeds but because of the tightness I came in for alot of raises.

I decided that if I was going to play a hand I was going to raise with it. I was bullying the table for the first 15 minutes. Then I switched gears and really tightened up. I doubled up hitting a set of 8's and incredibly got paid off by a guy with ace 8 when 8 wasn't even the high card on the board.

Soon after I hit a set of 3's on king 8,3 flop. The guy who raised preflop bet and 3 of us called.

Turn was another king. Everyone checked. I bet small but everyone folded. No Frazier for Ali on this hand.

Two more hands worth mentioning:

There was one that didn't work out for me but ended up being a display of zen poker.

I held the jack and 8 of clubs in the big blind and called a standard preflop raise from middle position.

Flop was an exciting queen, jack, 10 with the queen and 10 both clubs. I got all sorts of draws and of course a pair of jacks.

I didn't end up hitting my straight or flush but I did hit a 3rd jack on the river. Anyhow at showdown the dude turned over ace king for the flopped straight. (Interesting that I was still 40% to win this hand on the flop despite him hitting such a great flop.)

But here's where it got interesting. For some reason my mind was in outer space and I thought the 3rd jack on the river won me the pot. Almost as if I thought he had king queen for top pair and I sucked out with the trips. So I'm sitting there expecting the dealer to shove the chips towards me.

I was humble. Indifferent really. My mood did not change one bit when I thought I won the hand on the river. It was just another hand of poker. Sometimes I win. Sometimes I lose. This time I thought I won.

So of course there became a specific moment when I asked the dealer why she was shoving the pot the wrong way and she pointed to his straight.

And here's where it got interesting. I honestly felt no different.

I found it funny that I misread the board. I tapped the table and told the guy "nice hand." It really made no difference to me. Sure it would have been nice to win the pot. But it wasn't like I was sitting there with any kind of disappointment. I think I am developing the stomach.

And it gets worse. On my way out of MGM I dropped into Hooters again across the street. By now it's after 3am and I bought into their ridiculous 1/2 game. Everyone was pretty drunk and I thought this could be good action. I folded a few hands and then picked up pocket kings.

There were a few limpers. I raised it up to 17. There was a guy to my left from Calgary who had played every single hand since I sat down. This guy raises it to 40. We're at 1/2 with a 200 max so I don't have too many moves here. Like whether I reraise 100 or push all in it really makes no difference. Either way it looks like I'm representing aces. And all my chips are going in.

If he has aces then good for him. This is part of the fun (and importance) of playing low enough stakes and within your bankroll. I can make this move after getting reraised and live with it regardless of outcome.

Calgary is holding pocket queens and he has to call $160 more to win $240. Good for me.

If he puts me on aces or kings (what other hand reraises a reraiser?) he would need a pot of at least $640 for this call to be correct. But we're at Hooters playing 1/2. He ain't folding.

The dealer puts the queen out on the flop. And just like that my evening is over. 20% happens.

I was lucky to get pocket kings on the same hand where an opponent picked up pocket queens. Another Frazier for my Ali.

Although I wouldn't exactly call my pocket aces vs pocket 7's all in hand from the Venetian an Ali-Frazier.

That was more like Ali-Jerry Quarry.

Tuesday Night on ESPN

I watched the $3000 WSOP no limit hold em event Tuesday night on ESPN.

Final tables usually start out with 9 players but Harrahs let 10 people sit down for the ESPN cameras because the small stack in 10th place just happened to be a guy named Phil Hellmuth.

If they're going to make this kind of exception for Phil then perhaps I shouldn't complain when he repays them the favor by embarrassing himself as a human being. Thus providing what he thinks is good television.

Hey I'm a performer. In a theatrical sense I'm just as entertained by Phil's antics as the next guy. But what Phil does at the table isn't poker. It's not always about him getting a read.

Way too often it's just straight up taunting. If poker was the NFL or NBA he'd be punished.

But poker has no organization. No commissioner. No players union. The whole thing is the wild west. Even the actual rules vary by casino and players try to get away with whatever they can.

I thought this particular episode really exposed Hellmuth for the bully he is.

Anytime he gets reraised he has to criticize the other player for making a move and not respecting him before he can fold.

Men the Master pulled this same crap with me when I sat next to him at a WSOP event in 2006 and it's just so bush league.

Hey Phil, you just raised with jack 2 off.

You got reraised.

You were trying to steal.

You got caught.

Just fold your cards.

I'm genuinely shocked how polite the other players at the table are to him.

He doesn't deserve their respect.

In one hand Phil raised with pocket 9's and another player came over the top with a raise. Perry Friedman was talking to the player next to him and Phil chastised him for it. Twice.

This is because when Phil has to make a big decision he needs complete silence at the table.

Yet in the very same episode when Phil went all in with aces, he had no problem jumping out of his seat and running his mouth off while his opponent struggled to decide whether to call or fold pocket kings.

You can't have it both ways. If you want quiet then give silence. If you're gonna talk then don't complain when others do.

Phil doesn't afford others the same respect he wants for himself.

Yes he is interesting to watch.

But then again so was this:





Highlighting this sort of behavior makes poker good television in the same way that Jerry Springer was a good talk show.

Are we saying that poker isn't interesting enough to watch without someone acting like a spoiled child?

I'd love to watch Allen Cunningham, Phil Ivey, and Barry Greenstein play 3 handed. And if they never spoke once that would be fine. Their bets and folds would say everything.

Golf looks boring on television to the non-player. But it's not like we need Happy Gilmore to make the sport better for golf fans.

Meanwhile the reason I'm writing about Hellmuth isn't so much to discuss his tactics.

No. What shocked me so much more was his lack of basic math skills.

How do you win 11 bracelets and not know the correct showdown percentages for competing hands?

I'm talking specifically about his insurance bets with Phil Ivey.

If you didn't see the episode, anytime Hellmuth was "all in" he would walk over to Phil Ivey who was watching the final table sitting in the audience. Each time Hellmuth asked Ivey to give him insurance on his hand in case it lost.

So Ivey would take Hellmuth's hand and Hellmuth took his opponents. If Hellmuth got knocked out Ivey would pay him money. But if Hellmuth's hand held up then Ivey got paid.

But the thing was, each time Ivey offered Phil odds that weren't true.

If Phil was in there with a hand that was an obvious 4 to 1 to win, Ivey would give him 3 to 1.

And each time Hellmuth took it.

These odds were so obviously bad that Andy Bloch magically appeared to also offer Hellmuth insurance in case Ivey decided he'd had enough.

But Ivey never left. Why would he? He was making too much money.

Now at first I was thinking Hellmuth didn't mind taking the worst of it in these bets because if he could survive and win another (12th) bracelet it would be worth so much more to him (in future endorsements) than whatever cash he loses to Ivey.

But as the night went on it genuinely appeared that Hellmuth had no clue what the odds should be. Maybe that's because he always thinks he's the favorite in every hand he plays.

In the end Hellmuth got knocked out in 6th place and made $74,000 from the tournament.

This money almost covered the $109,000 he lost to Ivey in insurance bets.

But I guess Hellmuth still won.

Cause here I am writing about him.

Poof

I played in a tournament today with 366 players.

I got off to a really good start, turning my 2500 chips into 30,000 when the average stack was still only around 10k.

I then went card dead for awhile but bullied enough to build up to over 40k in chips with only 31 players left. I forgot how much fun tournaments are when you have chips.

And then I got pocket pairs on consecutive hands.

On the first one my pocket queens ran into pocket kings.

Nothing I could do. When he repopped me from the big blind I figured I was racing ace king.

I had him covered though so despite the cooler I still had around 15k in chips.

And of course the way poker works the very next hand I picked up pocket jacks.

Could someone tell the valet to get my car?

As I come in for my raise I know it looks like I'm on tilt.

And as expected I get called.

Dude has king queen off.

The dealer put a king on the board and just like that it was over.

Poof.

Doing some Extra work

This weekend I played a few sessions at the MGM and the Wynn.

I'm also proud to say I sat down for the first time in the Hooters Casino poker room.

The players in Hooters were pretty bad. That's the good news.

The bad news though is the only game they offered was 1/2 no limit with a 200 max buy in.

So even on a good night there's only so much one can make at that level.

Still it was quite entertaining. Between the waitresses in the unflattering orange shorts and the guy to my left calling 30 dollar preflop raises with hands like king 3 and king 8....well lets just say I got my money's worth.

This king 3/king 8 gentleman infuriated the guy from Texas sitting to my right. This Texan was one of these guys who acted tough, told everyone that he's a pro, and then felt the need to explain after each hand how poorly everyone played.

So to be honest, it was some kind of wonderful to watch Mr. Texas get sucked out on by Mr. King rag. The truth is Hooters should have charged me money for my seat in between the two of them. But instead they brought me free drinks. I don't usually drink when I play but after all this was Hooters. It's almost as if I had to drink to get inside the other players' heads.

Over at the Wynn, one tough decision that kept coming up for me this weekend (like 4 or 5 times) was how deep to go in hands with my suited connectors that partially hit against an opponent with a likely overpair.

On more than one occasion I called a preflop raise in position with a hand like 4,5 suited.

And on more than one occasion the flop came out something like 2 3 4 rainbow.

So with my small pair and straight draw I'm basically 45% to win this hand against an overpair like pocket jacks.

And thus when my overpair opponent bets out on the flop it can get real tricky for me to decide how to play it.

-I can call a bet and hope to catch up with two pair, trips or a straight on the turn.

-I can semibluff and reraise.

-And of course I can fold.

And what makes this spot so tough is that none of these decisions are terrible.

When these hands come up once in awhile they're fun. Especially against good opponents. Unfortunately against mediocre opponents it can be tough to play.

Against a good opponent I don't mind reraising in these spots. Because I know there's a chance my opponent will fold.

Yet most of the players I sit with don't have the strength (or is it weakness) to throw away an overpair on this type of board.

Which is why I get paid off real well when I can actually hit something that beats an overpair.

But in terms of my hand chasing and still needing help, my semibluff loses all fold equity against these non-folding dudes.

Meanwhile, by far the best moment I witnessed Saturday night occurred on the post river betting with the board showing 4,4,6,6,3.

An over aggressive guy who had been betting out on every street bet once again.

His opponent, a novice woman player responds by pushing all in.

Oops. He can't decide what to do.

He takes a few minutes so I sit think thinking he must have the 4 and he's terrified that she has the 6 for the better full house. After mulling it over he eventually calls.

The novice lady turns over pocket 3's. She hit the 3rd one on the river giving her a pretty weak full house. She is losing if her opponent has a 4 or a 6. One of which seems quite possible here.

Looking back at the hand, she showed her lack of poker IQ calling his turn bet on the 4,4,6,6, board. What hand can she beat here with pocket 3's? Like even if he's holding 2,5 in his hand he's ahead with his 5 kicker. Her pair of 3's were counterfeited because of the board double pairing with bigger cards. Her official best hand on the turn was two pair with a 3 kicker.

She was a beginner so I don't really want to mock her play here.

Even though I did think it was one of the worst moves I had seen in awhile....or at least it was until the guy who called her all in here turned over 5,7 for a straight.

Oh dear.

I guess he figured he was beating her if she had an ace for two pair with ace kicker.

Obviously I was quite disappointed not to get any cards to play pots with these people.

My only job at the Wynn on Saturday was to fold for hours while all this crazy action went on around me.

I genuinely felt like I was an extra in a bad poker movie.

You guys have got to look for me when it comes out on DVD.

I'm the guy in seat 3.

Folding.

About to head out on a Saturday Night.

I played a 10 hour cash session last night (Friday) from 530pm till 4 in the morning and nothing unusual happened.

I trapped people with my big pairs to win two huge pots.

I lost a pretty big pot after a runner runner 4 card flush took down my set.

You know. The usual.

My goals for this month are pretty simple. Put in the hours. And not let the wins or losses matter. Just keep making correct decisions.

Both goals are easy to say. Harder to do.

But I think I do get the fact that there's absolutely no point in my feeling good or bad about anything related to poker on the 4th day of the month.

Too much can and will happen.

It always does.

How's the Gambling Going?

When non-poker playing people inquire about my career they'll usually ask me something like:

"How's the gambling going?"

Or the inquisitive:

"Have you been lucky lately?"

I also get wisdom like:

"It can all change on the turn of a card."

This last metaphor rubs me the wrong way because obviously ALL of life can change on the turn of a card. Not just poker. You wake up in the morning and feel a lump. The phone rings in the middle of the night. A tire blows out on the highway. Etc.

Poker actually feels much more predictable to me than life. In poker every time I make a decision I have true percentages and real odds from which to base it.

That's probably not true with many investments. Exact odds? How much will a stock go up? So much of the financial world is subjective. If the advice could be given objectively then no one would ever lose money in the stock market.

But in poker when I can put my opponent on an exact hand then I know my exact odds of winning. And the way I see it that's not gambling.

If I am armed with information of how often I will win then each situation that arises can only be considered either a good or bad investment opportunity.

There is no luck. There is no gambling. Just good and bad opportunities.

I'd like to talk about two such business opportunities from this weekend at the Wynn.

In the first one I held pocket queens and limped under the gun. Loose guy on the button raises to 30 and I call. Flop comes 8 high flop and he pushes all in.

It's the same hand we see all the time. I've got to figure out if my overpair is good. It's always a tough spot. You feel dumb if you fold it and it's the best hand. But after you've played the game awhile you feel even dumber when you call and your opponent shows you two pair or a set.

I thought it through.

I decided to trust my read. I also concluded that he was the type of player who would check here if he had actually flopped a set.

So I called and turned over my queens. He looked at them and grimaced.

Good for me.

I just had to survive two cards.

The dealer put a 10 down on the turn. And my opponent suddenly got all happy.

Then the dealer puts another 10 on the river. Now my opponent starts getting really happy.

Runner runner 10's for quads.

Instead of me taking his stack, he takes mine.

When he pushed all in on the flop and I called I was 91.62% to win the hand.

But I lost.

What can I say? I loved that situation. It just didn't work out.

I don't see getting my money in as a huge favorite as gambling. I felt real good at 91.62% to win. Obviously I would do that again and again. And if I kept losing then I'd just have to lose my money. I felt strongly that I was ahead when my chips went in. That was the result of my working hard for hours waiting for that specific situation and then trying to get as much money in the middle as possible.

For me gambling is reraising all in with a draw. I'm gambling that the other player folds. And if he calls me I'm gambling I hit my draw.

But for me to get all my chips in when I've trapped someone isn't gambling. It's me working.

Backing something that is 91.62% is not gambling. It's damn good investing.

After losing my stack I rebought. I wasn't hitting too much. I made a couple of decent river calls to stay afloat. Doing this gives me more satisfaction than flopping the nuts and winning a big pot. Particularly when I call down someone with bottom pair because I think they're trying to buy the pot. It's not so much about catching someone in a lie. It's more about having the courage to trust my read and call someones over bet in a spot where I could look (and feel) really dumb if they show me the winner.

If they show me top pair then I'm an idiot for calling them down. When they show me Ace high I'm a genius for calling them down. Lately I've been surprised how often these river calls are correct.

I chased a few times with the nut flush draw in multi way pots but did not hit.

I snuck in a few times with small pairs but hit no sets.

And then I had my second big hand of the day. The only other time besides the pocket queens that I was all in. My second big investment opportunity.

It began with me limping in with 5 8 suited in middle position. A woman in late position raised to 25.

By the way there were three women at my table. Two of them were dealers playing on their off day. And the third woman was a rounder. One guy made a joke about how we needed one more woman to "even it out" (since there were four men) and one of the woman dealers says "No more women. There are already too many here. I'd rather play with men." I loved how she wants to avoid other women. Almost like pros avoiding each other in pots at these tables.

After she made it 25 there were 4 callers so I called the extra 20 and saw the flop with my 5 8.

Flop comes 4,6,7.

I flop the straight.

The small blind leads out for $50 with pocket 10's. Amazingly the guy to my right calls.

I'm in an interesting spot. Normally I'd absolutely raise here to charge draws and protect my hand. But I only have a couple of hundred and at this point my stack is not getting anyone to fold.

My smallish stack also means I can stomach playing this hand to the end. If I have a grand in front of me and a third diamond hits on the turn then I probably gotta fold to a big bet. But not with my stack.

If I push all in the woman to my left probably folds. So I actually call here hoping that she either calls the 50 or raises. And if she doesn't raise then I'm just going to get the rest of my chips in on the turn. At this very moment I'm 90.71% against the pocket 10's in the small blind.

A 6 comes out on the turn and it's definitely a scary card. If either guy had flopped a set then he just hit a full house or quads and I'm drawing dead.

Suddenly I'm real happy not to have more money on the table. The small blind leads out for $75.
Incredibly the guy to his left and my right smooth calls again!

I don't think either one has a full house but like I said I'm too short to worry. I push all in and they both call.

Here's the crazy thing. Even though the board paired the 6's I am still a very solid 90.91% to win against the pocket 10's. My odds of winning this hand have actually increased since the flop.

The small blind has 4 outs with his 10's. He needs one of the two 10's to hit. Or he needs one of the two remaining 6's to hit. Otherwise this pot is mine.

And the dealer turns over a 10. Double damn.

I'm defying all sorts of math. It's pretty hard to lose back to back all ins where I'm over 90%.

It's pretty sick. Yet from what I've seen at the poker table on a daily basis it's almost expected.

I stand by what I wrote up top. These hands do not feel like "gambling."

Yes losing twice as a 90% favorite is bad luck. Kind of like getting struck by lightning.

However my job at the poker table is to do exactly what I did. I sit there for hours and find spots to get all my chips in when I have the best of it. And I did that twice on Saturday to perfection.

I should be celebrating.

This was tough mentally because I played some really good poker this weekend.

My decisions were correct. That should be all that matters.

But instead because of the results I feel like I did something wrong.

Life is funny. Just think how I was 90% probable to have a great Sunday.

Pubic Diary

Keeping a blog is like having a public diary.

It's fascinating to see all of the personal information people share publicly.

From time to time I've thought that maybe I shouldn't write about my internet poker experiences because of all the 2006 legal ambiguity related to funding the sites.

And then I just read about this guy's blog.

Oh dear.

Et tu, Brute?

A rough time tonight in Caesars Palace for yours truly.

I hadn't been there since May 4th. Now I know why.

What can I say? It was wonderfully humbling. It built character.

I entered the poker room at 7:15pm and it was real quiet. There were only 6 cash game tables in use. I've seen bigger card games going on in bars where you're not supposed to play poker. There were a bunch of dealers standing around in the corner waiting to deal to tables full of players that didn't exist.

Now in Caesars defense it was a Tuesday night. And Tuesday might be the slowest time of the week here in Vegas. If it's not Tuesday then it's Wednesday, with Monday and Thursday both still connected to the weekend.

But what do I know? The line to PURE was still a display of complete insanity tonight. I'm not sure what party was going on inside but it looked more like New Years Eve than a Tuesday night. The weekend never really ends here.

The poker room was quiet but still had a bunch of NBA players in the back corner playing poker and hanging out. I tried to take a peak but didn't recognize too many of the guys. I think I saw Antoine Walker with chips in front of him. I'm pretty sure I didn't see any referees.

I should also mention that it rained in Vegas during Tuesday afternoon. I think I may have cried tears of joy. My metaphor for the rain was it felt "just like a sunny day. " It brought the temperature down to the 80's. The humidity was also weird to feel.

I guess I gotta say two things here.

1- Yes I know I'm discussing the weather and for that I apologize.

2- The Summer in Vegas has been a scarring experience.

The ups and downs of poker are one thing. Living in 115 degree heat has been very tough mentally and physically. My wife and I can't even go outside for a walk on most days. The casinos are too cold. And outside is too hot. This might become a reason in the future that we can't live permanently in Vegas.

This topic came up a few weeks ago and I suggested that we move to Egg Harbor, New Jersey.
This way I could play regularly at the Borgata. But Howard P. says Egg Harbor is "a bunch of farmers." I'm not exactly sure why that's a bad thing. I'm from Brooklyn. I don't really know farmers.

Most importantly I haven't bothered to look to see if "The Egg Harbor Year" is available as a blog title. If our government would just legalize deposits for internet poker then I could have the freedom to live anywhere in this great country.

How's that for a reason to legalize it? Freedom.

Okay. Now that I got all the small talk out of the way- Have I mentioned lately how hard poker is?

Tonight I went hours without hitting a hand. When that happens the game gets real difficult. It almost becomes a comedy sketch anytime I'm in a hand. When you haven't won a pot in few hours everyone is looking to play with you. If you listen carefully you can hear the laughter each time I raise.

Everyone at the table knows I have ace king. Just like we all know the flop is coming out 2,2,9.

If I bet the flop I'm getting check raised.

And if the flop just so happens to come out ace, ace, king, well then you can bet your bottom dollar that this time I have pocket 9's,

There were a few sequences where I thought to myself "Just don't get killed."

I also reminded myself that it's fine to fold for an hour. Or two.

I lost money on the evening because my draws let me down. I basically treaded water winning a few pots calling down aggressive players. But I gave all those chips back chasing my draws.

Chasing draws is a big part of my game. I do only expect to hit 1 out 3. But hitting 1 out of 3 is good enough for me to make a profit.

The 1 out of 3 thing is interesting because it's kind of like a good baseball hitter with a 333 batting average.

And so if I chase 6 draws in an evening where I'm 33% to win then I should win 2 of these hands.

But some nights even Derek Jeter goes 0 for 6.

(It would be great to check with the Elias Sports Bureau to find out if Derek Jeter has ever actually gone 0 for 6. When you play as many games as he has it almost seems like a mathematical probability. Then again he doesn't usually bat 6 times in a game. Most of his games are probably only 5 at bats. So the sample group of Jeter having 6 at bats games just got alot smaller.)

(Then again, the way I'm running tonight I'm probably gonna lose any more "bets" I make. So the fact that I think Derek Jeter HAS gone 0 for 6 in a game means it is probably not a fact. Although I can still hope it makes me feel better about not hitting my draws.)

One more word on draws: It's not usually good poker to chase. However I'm into chasing draws at cash games because most of the time the price I'm being charged is reasonable for what I can potentially win.

Like if I'm sitting at a table with 500 bucks and some other guy with 500 bucks makes it 15 to go, I'm very likely to call with any playable hand. I win entire stacks doing this.

But of course when my draws don't hit, each time it's suddenly another 50 or 100 bucks down the drain. Every third hand when they hit I'm a genius. And the other 2 hands when they miss I'm just trying to lose as little as possible. But when they don't hit at all it's trouble.

Overall I didn't play my best game tonight. I wouldn't say that I was on tilt. But there were a couple of times where I had the best hand and I don't think I made enough money with my cards. I think I was a little tight. A little gun shy. A little scared that somehow I was going up against the nuts.

The experience did make me rethink the timeless question(s):

Are there unlucky seats? Unlucky tables? Unlucky nights? Unlucky Casinos?

Alot of gamblers believe in luck.

Yet luck might also be able to be proven mathematically.

Over billions of hands of poker luck should even out. But in just one night of play anything can happen. And the randomness of having winners and losers in a given evening seems much more likely than possibility of everyone breaking perfectly even.

Perfect math should actually create a more random distribution of winners and losers. (In places where skill is not involved). Just because the guy next to you got pocket aces doesn't mean he won't be the next person at the table to get them again.

Thus there will be sessions with only bad cards where the key will be for me to lose as little as possible. There will be sessions where the deck hits me in the face and my only job is to see how much money I can take from the other players. And in between there will be plenty of "medium sessions" with lots of close tough decisions. It will be these sessions where perhaps skill matters the most.

But I mainly asked the question(s) above regarding luck because tonight in the middle of my session I wrote a note to myself that I already knew how the evening was going to end. I just had the feeling I was sitting at an unlucky table. And I've been through this story before. We all know it means I should probably just leave. Just like there are nights when I know I'm taking the other players chips. Tonight my antennae told me that it was my turn to lose chips.

Why not use the antennae I've attached my head?

Instead I'm sitting there watching my chips disintegrate. Just vanish into plain air.

I kept thinking to myself "Uh. Robert. If you leave now you'll still have X dollars."

My X was dropping by around 50 dollars an hour. If I was a stock, you'd sell. There weren't any real disasters. I never went all in. But hour after hour I bled.

My ace kings never hit. My pairs never held up. And whenever I made some sort of hand on the flop....you know. Someone drew out. It happens.

Yet I stayed at the table because there were a couple of poor players. I also stayed because I thought that as long as I wasn't on tilt, the cards had to turn around. I guess you could even argue I didn't stay long enough. Since I chose to exit with a manageable $295 loss.

I left at that point because I couldn't stomach losing 5 at a table I deemed "unlucky."

But why did I stay as long as I did?

I tried to give myself the chance to fight back.

I've read that in the big game Gus Hansen has been down over a million and come back to being even on multiple occasions. So asking me to win back a few hundred dollars isn't exactly unreasonable.

So the question remains.: As long as I'm not on tilt. And as long as there are poor players at the table. Should I stay at a table where I've been losing money?

I'm scared to say yes. Mainly because I don't want to become superstitious like that.

However if it continues to happen. ..

If I continue to have a foreshadowing feeling in my veins on losing nights...

Well then you can be damn sure at some point I'll adapt my superstitions.

I'll start avoiding black cats. I won't walk under ladders.

And most of all I'll stay away from Caesars Palace.

The Stomach

Don't tell me but my secret plan is to win enough money on a daily basis to bribe myself into this lifestyle.

If I could make a grand a day doing this, suddenly it wouldn't matter if I enjoyed playing poker. The opportunity would just be too good. Playing poker would become a necessary sacrifice to help me achieve other goals in life. I want to have a family, Making money supports that cause. Poker has become my way to come home every night with money.

(If I were an investigative news journalist this is the angle I would explore. That somehow someway I've managed to get myself to a point in life where the responsible thing for me to do everyday is to actually go and play poker. That's not easy to do but I did it. Most people have better career options. Like if someone was going to pay me 6 figures to write for them I'd probably go and do that. But since I haven't nurtured a career in writing, no one is calling. So here I am. I'm like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman. I can't quit. I've got nowhere else to go.)

The idea of having children certainly motivates me. A family provides a great reason to get out of the house and go to work everyday. I'm thinking that this family/money angle might be the best way to hook me in to a job like this. I'm pretty sure I don't love playing poker enough for a living that I would choose to live here and do it for low pay. I'd rather get a job and live someplace where the temperature isn't 115 degrees.

I appreciate all of you who sit there and waste time at work reading my poker anecdotes and hand histories but what this blog doesn't really provide for you is the virtual reality experience of being inside my stomach.

Poker gets real stressful when you need to win. It's a different game when you have to make money. Every time I enter a pot my results actually matter. This weekend at the Wynn I was the only guy at my table playing to eat. Everyone else was on vacation. Literally. And figuratively.

It's not everyday I get to write a sentence that's literal and figurative.

I'm not completely sure how I got to the point where I'm sitting at the Wynn playing for groceries.

Oh yeah I remember. I was an English major in college.

You see this is what happens to Liberal Arts majors. This is where we end up.

We play poker.

And of course since I majored in English you guys get the added bonus of my blog.

Someday if things get real bad for me I'll do a public service announcement warning college kids to get a degree in something that actually gets them a job.

But in the meantime us Liberal Arts majors just got to learn to stomach the big losses.

Before this July I wasn't a 4 digit a night guy. Yet my past 4 sessions I've experienced it 4 times. Obviously the good sessions are even better. The bad sessions much worse.

The good nights I try not to get too high. The bad nights I try to let go of as quickly as possible. But sometimes it takes a few days to get that feeling out of my body. Out of my stomach.

When I worked down at the Board of Trade my mentor said to me "Yeah we'll see how good you handle it the first time you lose 60 grand."

It's awful to think of losing that much. Yet playing that high could also mean winning that much. As I move up the poker food chain the game remains the same. There are bad players at every level. The only thing that changes is the color of the chips.

The next step in my poker education is to develop a color blind stomach.

Weak as in Weak? Or Weak as in Strong?

Three hands of interest from a 2/5 session.

#1- My first orbit at the table. I'm in the big blind. It gets folded around to the button and he raises it up to 20. I smooth call with ace queen.

An ace comes on the flop. I check. He bets 30. I call.

Rag on turn. I check. He bets 50.

I ask him to show me his chips. I want to see how much he has left. To see how far I'm going with this ace queen here. I see around 120 left in front of him. I can afford that. I call.

Another rag on river. This time I don't check. I figure I'm going to call his bet here anyway so the much stronger play is for me to lead out for 120.

He immediately starts complaining how I must have hit two pair.

Damn. He actually has ace king.

And I really think he was going to fold it here. But this Israeli guy to my right kept egging him on by saying stuff like "He's been raising with nothing all day. Good bet. You will make him fold his nothing."

And of course the real problem here is I don't think he has nothing. I think he has ace king.

So "we" (and by "we" I mean the Israeli guy) are certainly not going to get someone to fold his top pair top kicker here by mocking them for constantly bluffing. No. Ace king is a hand he can proudly show down and then whine about if I sucked out on him.

And so he finally calls. I loved how close he came to folding it. And I really think he may have if not for all the table talk.

Still, betting and losing, rather than calling and losing, did wonders for my constitution.

#2- A few hands later this same guy's lady and I are in a pot together. I'm holding suited connectors and flop a straight flush draw. She has two rags that have hit middle pair. I should also mention there's an ace out there.

We start betting back and forth. I figure she has the ace but am happy to chase my many many outs. We eventually showdown (I miss my draw) and she starts yelling at me.

Yes yelling.

She's telling me how bad I am.

I had no need to mock her for putting all her chips in with middle pair.

But for her taking my money wasn't enough. She just couldn't stop herself from criticizing my play and telling me how terrible I am at poker. How I must be on tilt.

It was like sitting with a person who was pretending to be crazy. Except she really was.

My only regret is I didn't take a photo of her for this blog.

Oh and that I didn't throw something at her. Like my chair. Or the table.

Our government needs to make internet poker completely legal and acceptable again just so my fellow human beings don't ever have to sit with this woman.

One other note to self here: When I sat down, I took the seat of a guy who had been begging and pleading every possible way with the poker host for a table change. There was a reason why he wanted to leave this table. Usually it's because a table is tight and has no action. But in this case after sitting at this table for just 10 minutes I'm pretty sure it was to get away from this couple. Just something to consider in the future.

#3- There was a crazy guy a few seats to my left who would make it 40 dollars to go every time he had the button. On one particular occasion when he did it again I joined the party (two callers) with my suited 8,9.

Flop comes ace king 2. Everyone checks including crazy guy.

Turn is a rag. I bet 50. Everyone folds except for crazy guy who calls.

River is a 9. I have a pair. But I obviously still can't beat an ace or king. I can beat a bluff though. So I check to him. And then something really strange happens.

He smiles at me and says "I'm weak." Then he stacks up 16 red chips and shoves out an 80 dollar bet.

Hmmmm.

"I'm weak"?????????

What the hell does that mean? What is he trying to get me to do?

Usually a person who says they're weak would only have the courage to do so when they're strong. Unless he's trying to mess with my mind. And scare me into folding. By saying that he's weak.

I want to fold. And calling here seems like throwing 80 dollars away. But I just can't get over his words. "I'm weak." Why say that?

I finally look right at him and say "If you bet 80 when you're weak how much do you bet when you're strong?"

He says nothing.

I count out 16 red chips. I stare at him again and say "I'm weak too."

Now I'm not 100% sure I'm ahead here but I can definitely come up with enough reasons to make the call. His bet fits the description of someone betting the river because they know it's the only way they can win the pot. He hasn't shown any aggression since preflop. Why bet now?

I am also damn curious at this point to see his cards. To see why he played each street the way he did. 80 bucks to satisfy my curiosity.

And of course it was "only" 80 bucks out of my pocket so that you guys can read about it now.

But a funny thing happened on the way to finding out his hole cards...

He threw them into the muck.

I didn't show mine either.

Although it would have been alot of fun to see his expression.

(Not to mention the new material I'd be providing the crazy woman with to yell at me about).

Dirty

I had a really ugly Saturday night.

I'll spare you the hand details. It makes no difference.

Lets just say that bad things happened to me at the poker table more often than they are mathematically supposed to.

Emotionally it was a very rough experience.

And what bugged me, just as much as the experience itself, was also seeing myself actually get upset from poker results. It doesn't happen that often anymore.

At this point I'm a pretty damn cool customer no matter what goes down. I can say "nice hand" and move on. I see such awful beats everyday. They don't usually faze me. I almost expect them to come.

So I can genuinely say that the first couple of times I got sucked out on Saturday night I was genuinely amused.

And then it happened a few more times and it started to feel personal.

But I stuck around and played good poker. And waited for good situations.

And finally found them.

And then it happened a few more times after that.

And that's when I decided it was time to go home.

I still feel dirty.

Back to Cash

I played some cash games the past 2 days. Overall I was pretty card dead so really my best achievement was not forcing the action.

I was at a 2/5 table yesterday for 90 minutes with a Dutch guy who was an amazing poker maniac. I've really never seen anything like it. Sure I've seen aggressive play. But this guy put on a clinic. Mainly because he was hitting crazy draws. And when someone plays like a maniac AND hits his draws it's complete chaos for the table.

In just an hour and a half I watched this guy turn 500 bucks into 4000. He kept felting people. They'd have something like pocket jacks. He'd normally have something like 6,8. Over and over again.

Who knows? Maybe I was lucky not to get a hand. Although after watching him play for a little while I was convinced that if I got anything at all I was going to either double up or give him my stack as well.

He was raising to 25 without looking at his cards from early position. He was raising preflop to 55 anytime he was in late position.

Please universe. Just give me 2 playable cards.

I finally got in there against him with king queen off. He raised it to 55 and I called feeling like I definitely had the best hand.

Flop came king high. All 3 cards were diamonds.

I checked to let him bet and he obliged. 50 dollars. I called. Raising is fine here but I don't want to bet and lose him. I want him to keep betting.

I got a bad turn card. A 4th diamond.

I checked again. This time he only bet 35. It almost seemed like a joke bet. It either means he has a flush and doesn't want to lose my action. Or he has nothing at all, is also scared and sort of betting small to see what I do.

This would have been a good spot for me to reraise him and find out. But due to the size difference of our stacks I really didn't want to commit any more of my stack to this hand right now. Not without a diamond.

If I raise him to 135 and he calls, what do I do when I have to act first on the river?

So I just called again.

The river was even worse than the turn. A 5th diamond. It happens so rarely. The board flushing. Why now?

Now the irony here is I would check against this guy in this spot if I held a big diamond so that I'd be giving him a chance to bet. If I lead out with a bet he might fold. But my hand being what it is, I'm only getting called by a better hand. Also what do I do if I bet and he reraises me all in? He was doing that pretty much every hand to all the smaller stacks.

So I check.

In front of him at this point he has around 3k in cash. He picks up all thirty 100 dollar bills and throws them out into the middle the table. He's putting me all in.

If there were 4 diamonds on the board I can actually consider calling this bet. He might be bluffing with nothing. And my pair of kings would probably still be the best hand and I could win the entire pot.

But with 5 diamonds on the board and him all in, if I call and he's bluffing, the best case scenario is we're still chopping the pot. We'd both have flushes. So I'd be calling off my entire stack in an attempt to simply split what's already out there. And of course if he has a diamond, I'd lose everything.

I ask the dealer to count his bills (as a joke) and she actually begins to. But before she gets too far, I toss my cards into the muck. I'm pretty sure he's bluffing. But I'd rather just give up on the 140 bucks I've put out there. Protecting 140 is not not worth losing another 300 or whatever I have left in front of me.

For what it's worth, on the very next hand this Dutch guy does the exact same thing on the river. Once again he tosses out his thick stack of hundreds. This time on an ace high board.

After some deliberation the small stack calls and shows ace king. Dutch guy turns over 6,3 for a runner runner full house. He was definitely setting the table up (in my hand) for doing the same move a second time when he knew he had the nuts and would get called.

It was an really amazing display of poker. He was good enough to get away from cards later in the hand the few times he was behind. But otherwise he just kept up the pressure with his constant betting. It was beautiful to watch.

Unfortunately after 90 minutes he got up and left.

Let the record state that I still hadn't won a single hand yet at this table.

Here I was at the best table I'd even seen. I dream of tables like this. Yet at the same time my seat was one of the coldest I'd ever sat in. Life is funny like that.

After he left I finally got some starting hands but still kept missing flops. Or having the second best hand. By now I've bought in for 900 total having fallen down 400 dollars which really isn't that much at 2/5.

And then finally things turned around. A guy in early position raised to 15. One guy called. I called the additional 10 dollars from the big blind with my 6,9 suited.

Flop comes ace high with a 6. There's also one of my suit. I check. So do the other two guys.

Turn is a second of my suit. The initial raiser bets 30. Middle position guy folds. I call with my flush draw. I also think I might win here if another 6 or 9 comes.

River completes my flush. I check to let him bet. He obliges and shoves 80 bucks out there.

I know I am going to raise. I just want to find the right number. Because I want to get called.

I finally decide the move is to put $210 out there.

It's "only" $130 more for a pot already containing $395.

He calls. The poor guy had pocket aces. He didn't bet the flop because he flopped a set and didn't want to kill his action. So he let me catch up. We sort of both did what we're supposed to do. I guess he could have made a larger bet on the turn to get me to fold but he also doesn't know I actually have a flush draw there. Tough one for him.

I hit this draw but missed a few others. Incredibly I had two straight flush draws within the same hour. One hand was against a lady to my left who miniraised every time she had a big pair. She was real easy to play against.

I'm in there preflop with 5,6 suited. Some guy raised to 15. I called. And she makes it 30. What's so funny to me here is that I'm now forced to put out another 15 to win 75. So it's not like I'm upset by her raise. If anything she's building me a pot if I actually flop anything.

Flop was 4,6,7. And the 4 and 7 were my suit! If she has something like pocket queens then I'm a pretty big favorite here. Over 60%.

If she bet big to protect her hand I'd probably make a big reraise. But she kept firing out 20 dollar bets and so I took the discount and just kept calling.

I counted 20 outs to win the hand. 9 diamonds. 6 non diamond cards that would fill my straight up. Plus 2 sixes for trips and 3 fives for two pair.

I'm not sure I've ever had 20 outs before. It didn't matter though. None of them came.

And then William Rockwell sat down at my table. You may have seen William in ESPN's 2006 coverage of the WSOP Main Event. He's the dude who uses his feet to look at the cards and bet.



He was a really nice guy. And obviously an amazingly strong person. He didn't get much action. Most of the times when he raised everyone got out of the way. They might think they're doing him a favor but I was thinking the poor guy can't get paid off when he actually has something.

Meanwhile I kept fluctuating up and down. Friday the 13th was a night of flushes. It seemed like every pot was won or lost to a flush. I won a couple more with flushes. But then also had two sets go down in flames to flushes. Unlike the other players I charged their draws with pot sized bets. It made no difference. They called and they hit.

One other hand I'll mention.

A bunch of us limp in for 5 bucks. I'm holding pocket 5's. Big blind pushes all in for his last 85. This is usually an easy fold because you figure my best case scenario is racing two big cards. But then I thought some more about it.

My read was that the big blind was making a move with any 2 cards. And if this was true, my 5's are the favorite. I'm not dying to push 80 more bucks out there. But it's 80 to win around 100. And I'm the favorite. So I have to call. And I did.

The big blind had jack 8. That confirmed that I was a 53-47 favorite.

Whether or not an 8 or jack came out is insignificant.

All that mattered was that I laid 80 to win 100 dollars as a 53% favorite.

If I can do that millions of times, no matter how ugly those races look, I will make alot of money.

Locked Out

As you may have heard, it's pretty hot here in Vegas these days.

Last week it was routinely around 115.

And it's over 100 degrees outside every night. Even at 2 in the morning.

With that in mind, lets cut back to this past Saturday afternoon.

I had won my way into the Main Event late Friday night. I woke up late and was sipping iced coffee when I decided to check on something with the pool. A red service light was flashing and I wanted to see if I could fix it.

So I exited out one of the 4 doors that make up the back of our house. These 4 doors are glass and when put together give a wide view of the backyard.

I guess I could take a picture for you.

Anyhow the lock on one of these doors is such that the door handle remains loose from the inside even when the door is locked on the outside. There's nothing to adjust. It just locks automatically when you close it.

It's enough of a problem that earlier in the week my wife and I discussed our lock out options. Should we leave a key somewhere outside? Why doesn't my sister who lives in town have one? Etc.

From how I remember it, I stepped outside to the pool on Saturday around 1 pm.

My wife then followed. She came to look at what I was doing. But apparently we both went through the same door. The one that locks automatically.

What's really frustrating here is that 3 of the other 4 doors don't lock automatically. But the door we both went through did.

We were locked out.

It was 115 degrees and we're standing out there in the sun in our pajamas.

For me that meant no shirt. No shoes. Nothing but a pair of basketball shorts I've owned since the Fab 5 was at Michigan.

For my wife it was pajama pants. She was also barefoot and had on a tank top.

"Some" might call it slinky.

We have no keys.

No phone.

No I.D.

No money.

Nothing.

We don't even have drinking water.

Did I mention that it's 115 degrees out?

I've also been awake for like 10 minutes. Not sure if it's the 115 degree heat or the pressure of the situation but I think I'm starting to sweat.

So we decided to do what any married couple would do in this situation.

My wife went to get help.

And I stayed and tried to break into our house.

She went out to get a locksmith. Barefoot, she crossed the insanely hot asphalt on our street and ran to knock on a neighbor's door.

Meanwhile I was removing screens from windows, checking to see if any had been left unlocked.

A few minutes later she came back with a large man.

He had some tools and apparently he said he was going to break into our house for us.

I had mixed feelings here.

On one hand I wanna get back in. And quickly.

Yet as I'm standing there watching him try to knock our sliding glass door off it's track, part of me is rooting against him. Do I really want to see a guy be able to break into my house so easily?

Much to my surprise he wasn't able to do it. He tried a few methods. Removed a few exterior panels, screws, etc. But it didn't work.

We finally borrowed his cell phone and called a locksmith.

30 minutes later an Israeli club kid wearing a "God is a DJ" t-shirt showed up with some "break in" tools.

First we debated the price. Kind of a funny negotiation. Like how far can I really go here to get the best price? It's not like I can walk out on him.

The number finally looked bearable and he began to try to pick our door lock(s).

He couldn't.

Then he tried to "pump" his way in using a device that slips into the door crack and then fills up with air to create space.

This didn't work either.

He finally went to a 3rd method. Because I don't want everyone to break into my home I'm not going to share how he did it. But a few minutes later we were back inside.

He made me show him ID. To prove I lived here.

I wonder what happens at that point if I can't produce ID. I guess he calls the police?

We still haven't put a spare key outside. Or given one to my sister.

So this story is going to get even better the next time we get locked out.